Setting the Date of the Wedding

Aaaargghh! I've been so busy being a lakwatsera I've basically been a MIA wedding planner!

But, lo and behold! I have been busy talking with two friends who are about to get married. They've requested me to be their wedding planner (I hope they know what they're doing! But thanks for the vote of confidence my dear friends!). It would be quite a challenge since their fiances are both abroad (one in New Zealand, the other in Malaysia). Things are a bit crazy coz:

Couple A - Groom is in Manila, Bride is in New Zealand
Couple B - Groom is in Malaysia, Bride is in Iloilo

And how complicated could it get?

Anyways, that's beside the point. Couple A is kinda confused at the moment when to set the wedding date. Couple B originally planned it for this month, but had to push it back because the groom got a job in Malaysia.

So when should you set your wedding? Well, based on the weddings I've been through, these are the things couples usually consider when setting the date of the wedding:

1. Anniversary - pfffft (rolling eyes), but it's true, a lot of couples set their wedding date based on their "anniversary date". My parents didn't. I only found out about the day my Mom agreed to be my Dad's girlfriend when I unearthed one of their love letters.

2. Budget - when the projected budget is already available. Of course, couples have to save up for the wedding, it's quite rare now that a guy already has a wedding nest egg on hand before he proposes. Only happens in the movies I guess. But this is a major decision point.

3. Availability of Relatives - if you're Filipino, I'm sure you've got relatives who are going to come home just to attend your wedding. Why do you think statistics show that most of the weddings are during the Christmas season and not June?

4. Vacation Leave - what's a wedding without the honeymoon? You're going to have to spend a lot of time off from work to prepare your wedding coz you have to attend seminars, choose a caterer and go shopping for stuff.

5. Readiness - notwithstanding that couples should be ready before they think about tying the know, but ya know it doesn't hurt to think about the reasons why you are marrying the person and whether you are really ready or not. As Peter Parker's aunt said, "You must be ready to put her before yourself. Are you ready to do that Peter?"

There are many reasons you have to consider when setting the date of your wedding. You can do this by yourselves or you can involve your family, but I think the most important thing is being prepared and knowing what you are getting yourself into.

*Photo - that's my best friend on her wedding day.

How to be a Professional Abay

“Marriage requires a person to prepare 4 types of "Rings": Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering, Enduring”

- Fr. Leo Acierto, C.P. in one of his homilies

I've been privileged to see four of my friends tie the knot last year and they dragged me into the wedding preparations which I did (of course) because I love `em. And they now call me a professional abay and because of this I have acquired several gowns of different shapes and colors. Seems quite funny, but I always find pleasure in seeing my friends start forever by walking down the aisle (ay romantic!).

When I was a kid, my Mom, Ate and I thought of opening a wedding shop. My Mom taught us how to organize activities (events), do craft work (giveaways), negotiate with suppliers and the most important of all, people skills. Our dream didn’t push through since my Ate left for the US to take her MBA. That was in the 80s, and today I believe I’ve lived through that dream.

Planning a wedding is no easy feat. I’ve been through different types of weddings, from budget to bongga. Hired bands, the Manila Philharmonic Orchestra, wrestled with printers, photographers, exporters and designers. The brides would wake me up before my wake-up time, call when I’m about to sleep, SMS in the wee hours of the morning, discuss tela, beadwork, tiaras, seating arrangement, bridal cars, lay-out… get the picture? And I did it for free. But, all in all, everything was successful and so far all of them are still on honeymoon stage and my best friend is giving birth in May.

But what does it take to get married today? I don’t know! But, the best advice I’ve read and heard so far are the following:

• Mom and Dad – Make sure he comes from a good family with the same values you were brought up with.
• Momma Jackie (Mom of a British groom) – It’s not finding the one, but finding the right one.
• Ate Rose – Ask God if He is the one.
• Fr. Manny – Always pray, God will provide you the person you need (take note: not you want, but need).
• Sheri & Bob Stritof – If you are questioning why you should get married, don’t do it.

For some insane reason my friends keep asking me about wedding requirements. So, how does one prepare to wed? Parishes/churches require the following from couples:

• Baptismal certificate with annotation “free to marry” or “for marriage purpose”.
• Confirmation certificate
• Publication of wedding banns
• Marriage license (this comes with other requirements from the city hall like your birth certificate, attendance in the seminar etc.)
• Canonical interview
• Spiritual preparation or attendance of pre-cana seminar.
• Confession prior to the wedding day

There are additional requirements for those marrying a foreigner, divorced or divorcee, widow or widower, and non-Catholic/non-Christians in case of mixed marriages.

Because of this wedding planning hobby of mine I always get asked, “So kelan ka?” And I just always roll my eyes and say, “Madaliin ba ako? God hasn’t Willed it yet.” Some of my friends would say, “She has to be tied up to a chair and forced to do the deed.” Yeah, yeah, but seriously, I think getting married is serious business (and a daunting task) and something that would just come when it is the right time. For the meantime, I believe all singletons out there should be make the most of their time by being of service. Aside from being able to help others, you’ll gain new friends and manage to keep away from food binges since you’re busy. (And one tip: just disappear from the hall when it’s time for the garter toss and bouquet throwing haha).

*Abay - part of the wedding entourage